Stand Where I stood
by FizzyWitch
Summary: "I won't leave you, my Doctor. But if- but you are the same man, so you know I can't leave him either." He pushes a strand of hair behind her ear gently, and he is smiling at her so brightly, with just a touch of warm insanity that it takes her breath away with it's sheer familiarity. "Rose Tyler, did you know that I'm brilliant?" - Rose/10 & Rose/10.5
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One-

_Every love begins with a lot of hope, Every love begins encased in gold  
Oh you never fear what you never know will be  
I remember times when you took my hand  
You might as well of taken my every breath  
I never felt a moment of regret till now  
Cause I don't wanna say what I'm gonna say  
I don't wanna say what I'm gonna say  
I don't wanna say what I'm gonna say,  
But I'm gonna say it anyway _  
- Rosi Golan

He is standing on a beach in Norway and his hearts are breaking. After this, he decides, no more bloody trips to Norway. It seems that it's one of the most painful places in the world for him. And he has had enough pain in his existence. More than his fair share throughout his years. But then, perhaps he has had more than his fair share of years as well. But one more visit to Norway might rip both of his hearts from his chest.

"All right." There is a familiar determined set to her chin as she looks into his eyes, and he wants to touch her face. He doesn't look away from her. That he can't do yet, because he is drinking her in and hoping that the sight of her now, windblown, utterly exhausted, unutterably fantastic, can sustain him for the cold decades to come without her. But he's already gone away in his mind. Back on the lonely adventures that will never compare to the simple joy of holding her hand.

She continues speaking, "Both of you, answer me this. When I last stood on this beach- on the worst day of my life- what was the last thing you said to me?"

The Doctor feels the weight of the words he wants to say to her, needs to say to her, trembling on his lips and he almost breaks down, almost breaks into a confession, but stops himself. Buying time, hoping for strength.

"I said Rose Tyler."

"Yeah, and? How was that sentence going to end?"

And, oh, she's beautiful in her painful need of him, and brilliantly stubborn as ever.

But she has him, a different him. A him that needs her too. The only man he would trust to take care of his Rose Tyler. Ironic, that. The thought tastes bitter in his mouth. He doesn't know where he finds the fortitude to hold the words inside. Perhaps it was the wonder he had seen in her face when she had touched his Doppelganger's chest and felt the single heart beat. As he watched her realize what she could have with the him that he was not.

Or perhaps it was the purely selfish desire to protect himself- even if he said it, even if he jumped off that cliff he would still lose her, and she would still lose him, not today but soon enough and he, well he could give her the him she could keep- But something helps him stay silent.  
His hearts are breaking but he still needs to answer her question, and he's known the answer since he had another face, but the only answer he will ever give her is silence. And that nearly brings him to his knees, because he knows when he doesn't answer her he will loose her forever. But it's better this way. Better to leave her with this part human version of him so that she can grow old in this new Doctors aging arms. Let them wither and die together. Let him live a thousand years alone.

It took one word for them to begin, and with four words he lets her go.

"Does it need saying?"

The look in her eyes feels like he is letting go of her hand for the last time.

"And you, Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?"

The Time Lord Doctor's eyes meet the Meta crisis Doctor's for just a split second. One of the strangest seconds either has ever known. They are the same man divided and for one it is the cumulation of every dream he has ever had of this woman, and for the other it is the moment that he loses her. It is an act of compassion when the Meta Crisis Doctor leans into Rose and whispers the words the Doctor didn't say in her ear. He doesn't have to hear them said, doesn't truly have to acknowledge that they exist. But even with that bit of grace the Doctor can still imagine the smell of her skin... and when she kisses _him..._

When she kisses the other him, the Doctor just can't bear to look anymore, can't stand the echoing taste of store brand cherry chap stick that lingers in his memory from the first kiss they shared in his last form. So he turns back to the TARDIS, feeling his shoes crunching through sand. He's grateful for Donna walking behind him. He knows that if there was someone he was going to go through this with he would want it to be her. Of course, with Donna, there is a whole new type of pain coming. The pain of losing his best friend, essentially his sister. He opens the TARDIS slowly, and steps through the door. Donna closes the door behind him and steps to the controls because he can't. He's frozen, head pressed against the door and before they are completely gone from her universe he whispers the words he knows he will always regret not saying to her. "Rose Tyler, I love you." As they slip into the time vortex he raises a futile hand to press against the appearances-are-deceiving wooden door. "I would run with you forever if I could."

And that is the moment everything changes, because that is the moment Rose Tyler emerges from the corridor where she'd been hidden until a moment before. Still facing the door, eyes closed, he doesn't see her. But he hears Donna gasp. And then he hears her voice. "You'd better, My Doctor. Because I made my decision a long time ago. And you will never be alone while I have somethin' to say about it."

Top of Form 1

Bottom of Form 1


	2. Home

_i_

_Only wish that you were here _

_You know I'm seeing it so clear _

_I've been afraid to show you how I really feel _

_Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made _

_And if you want it come and get it_

_For crying out loud _

_The love that I was giving you was never in doubt_

_Let go of your heart, let go of your head _

_And feel it now_

_Turning back for home you know _

_I'm feeling so alone _

_I can't believe climbing on the stair _

_I turn around to see you smiling there _

_In front of me /i_

_- Babylon, Nina Nesbitt_

Chapter Two- Running Home

-

**Bad Wolf Bay, Norway- Pete's World**

It was strange, the last time she had needed him to convince her of who he was she had needed The Doctor to tell her of what they had been. This time, she had needed to hear words that told her what they could be. Words she was almost certain he would never be able to say. And she had almost understood why. Except her heart, her heart couldn't quite understand.

The Meta Crisis Doctor had looked into her eyes and she had seen him, The Doctor - just The Doctor- she knew so well staring back at her with such _hope_ and then he had said it. Said he loved her. The words that she had been fighting to hear for such a long time. For all that time she had been strong, and right then she wanted to be weak. She wanted him. So she pressed herself into him, taking his lips with hers with a desperation that took the both of them by surprise. She could feel his human pulse beneath her fingertips and pressed closer still and he caught her in his arms in a way that felt like home. And it had been such a long time since she'd been home.

And in the midst of it all the Brown-Pin-Stripe Doctor had slipped away.

Now they are holding hands on a beach in Norway as they watch the square imprint left behind by the TARDIS being washed away by the ocean.

"I won't leave you, my Doctor. But if- but you _are_ the same man, so you know I can't leave him either." He pushes a strand of hair behind her ear gently, and he is smiling at her so brightly, with just a touch of warm insanity that it takes her breath away with it's sheer familiarity.

"Rose Tyler, did you know that I'm brilliant?"

She grins, smacking his arm, unable to resist leaning into him. "Oh, shut up!" And a tongue-to-teeth smile breaks across her face.

The Doctor asks, "Do you trust me Rose?" She searches his eyes, looking for something. Apparently she finds it because when she answers its whole hearted and a little breathless. "Yes, Doctor, I do."

He breaks into a grin once more, "Quite right, too." and plucks a few strands of hair from her head making her flinch, more from surprise then from pain. Examining it, even tasting it for a moment before her bemused eyes. Well, if nothing else could confirm that he was the same man it was this, Rose muses.

"Good sample, that!" He places the golden hairs deep into his pocket and with that he takes her hand and they are running accross the beach past a bewildered Jackie, who is still holding the precious peice of TARDIS coral (and wondering if perhaps his type of aliens eat hair, or if it's part of some sort of mating ritual), they are running and laughing and Rose can't wait to see what's going to happen next.

-  
**On board the TARDIS, Inside the Time Vortex**

The Time Lord Doctor is still facing the door of the TARDIS, unblinking. "Rose?" His voice cracks under the strain of the word.

Donna, still standing at the TARDIS console can feel the Oncoming Storm rumbling underneath the surface and it makes the fine hairs on her arms stand up on end. Even the TARDIS is uneasy, a slow rumbling groan of warning coming up from the very depths of her.

"Doctor." She watches him warily. She muses that the Rose Tyler she had been before she was torn away from him would never have ended up back on this ship. She would have done what she was told. Would have settled for her happily-human-ever-after with the Meta Crisis Doctor. But that wasn't her anymore. This Rose Tyler _fought_. And, she thinks fiercely, if anyone is worth fighting for it's her Doctor.

"What have you done?"

He is storming towards her with a desperate sort of fury in his eyes. Rose knows that nations have fallen beneath that fury but she doesn't step away from him. In that moment she knows exactly what to do. She steps forward and she takes his hands.

It shocks him into silence. It shocks him into the realization that he hasn't lost her. That she is standing right there in front of him.

Donna watches, silent, and it's like the moment a match ignites, sparks taking over an unresisting peice of wood. And sod it all, does she want to leave the control room and be anywhere else but right there at that moment. She's so distracted that she doesn't pay attention to the pain that is slowly building behind her eyes.

Rose is still holding the Doctor's hands and staring into his wild eyes. Sometimes, The Doctor realizes, you don't know how broken you are until you regain something- someone- you lost. He disentangles his hands from hers but doesn't stop touching her. His hands travel up, her wrists, her arms, her shoulders... _her face_. There is no Dalek to stop him from taking her in his arms this time, and he is kissing her and she is kissing him and it's pure desire and the sort of love that hurts and heals and is just what he has needed for such a long time.

The time for questions will come soon enough. For now he is selfish, no other universe can have her. No other version on himself can tear her away. He finds peace in that dream like second and he presses his forehead against hers and closes his eyes. Drinking in the moment.


	3. Settling In

Chapter 3- Settling In

_I felt the scrapes  
From the slippery subway grate.  
Oh, how you laughed  
At my complete lack of grace.  
But I could not recall  
A more perfect fall  
Cause when I looked up into your eyes  
It didn't hurt at all.  
And I thought, be still my heart  
This could be a brand new start, with you._

- Be Still My Heart, The Postal Service

-Tyler Mansion, Pete's World-

It's been a week since they came home from Norway.

When Jackie walks down the steps and into the basement of the mansion she shares with her family and The Doctor (though, she muses, it seems he might as well be family at this point) to call Rose and The Doctor to dinner she finds them hunched conspiratorially over the TARDIS coral. Jackie doesn't understand why anyone would want to spend so much time in a musty old basement, but they spend almost as much time down here as they do at Torchwood now that The Doctor has signed on with them.

And now her Rose seems to be talking to a lump of coral. Jackie lifts her eyes to the heaven's and muses that if her daughter had any sense she'd be spending a bit more time in the bedroom with that Doctor of hers rather than tinkering on their many projects.

Jackie has noticed, though, in the way that mothers do, that if they are in the same room they are usually touching and when they aren't they find each other with their eyes. As if to check to make sure that the other has not disappeared. And, of course, she's noticed that Rose is happy. If The Doctor can manage that then she figures she can keep herself from smacking him when he acts the idiot.

Oy, she thinks, now the bloody alien is talking to the lump as well. "Come on, you lot." She interrupts the excited chatter of The Doctor to the coral. And the idiot is pouting like Tony might when she's taken a favorite toy from him. "Dinner time."

"Is there pudding?" The Doctor asks.

"Banana." She replies.

He jumps up, full of energy and anticipation all of a sudden, seemly about to bound up the steps. But he stops, bouncing on his toes to help Rose up off the floor where she was sitting.

"Did you hear that, Rose! What a brilliant creation! Banana pudding. I wonder if it's a good source of potassium?"

Jackie feels the familiar tickle in her palm. The urge to just ismack/i the stupid grin off The Doctors face. Instead she just rolls her eyes at Rose, who looks utterly amused by his antics. The sight of her daughter's smile makes the tickle fade. Jackie walks back up the stairs, leaving the ridiculous pair to trail behind her.

Anything that makes her smile like that... after the past years... After everything that Rose went through... Well, it's best not to dwell on that bit. She's happy now. That's what counts.

xxxxxx

Rose grins up at The Doctor, his enthusiasm infecting her. He swings her hand back and forth a bit as the begin making their way upstairs. When they reach the top of the steps he stops momentarily, a contemplative look taking over his face.

His eyes search hers, his dark brown eyes turning darker still. The hand which is not holding hers goes to her face and he pulls her close, kissing her quickly. It's over all too soon for Rose but it still leaves her breathless.

This is how it has been since Norway. Neither one wanting to leave the other's side, both afraid of how close they want to be. A series of stolen kisses instigated by both of them. But they still haven't talked about it. Rose is getting anxious. She wants more than anything to pull him so close that they become one person. But that would never suit The Doctor, and too be honest, she has become to independent to be satisfied with that sort of relationship. And she isn't going to risk getting this wrong. But there are secrets that she isn't ready to tell him. Things that make it easy to hide behind a wall of silence. But she clings greedily to those kisses, letting them reaffirm that they are more then they were, that the words he spoke on the beach were true. With every press of his lips to hers, his every touch, she feels them as if they are spoken in the corner of her mind. Since it is The Doctor, perhaps they are.

He smiles, as if hearing the thought. She smiles back.

"Pudding then?" She says. If her voice is huskier then usual he doesn't call her on it.

"Quite right, too."

As they turn the corner out of the basement stairway, she thinks she hears him mutter, "Still got it."

xxxxx

At the dinner table Pete asks about the progress they are making on the TARDIS.

The Doctor replies, "Well Pete, due to the interval refractation period, it's going to require a bit more energy then initially expected. Shatterfrying the plasmic shell and modifying the dimensional stabiliser to a fold back harmonic of 36.3, and accelerating the growth by the power of 59 like Donna suggested will definately assist in reducing the amount of time the TARDIS will require to grow. However..." He continues down this vein for a while. His hands gesture a bit more wildly and since he is still holding his fork with a dollop of mashed potatoes on the prongs the walls and ceiling are in grave danger of being redecorated.

Pete is blinking slowly watching his gestures, and Rose interjects, her hand stilling The Doctors and carefully de-forking him. "It's goin' well, Dad." She sets his fork back down on his plate carefully. The Doctor grins back at her fained look of disapproval and she can almost hear him thinking, "Well, I i_am/i _rude and not ginger."

And it is going well. Growing the TARDIS, that is. It's going very well. Although, Rose is still not sure how The Doctor is going to handle waiting five years for his TARDIS to be ready. She's not sure how well _she _is going to handle waiting for that matter. For her it's been two years already since she's been able to explore the universe and sometimes she feels an itch from the the top of her head to the tips of her toes calling her back to the stars.

If it's that bad for her she cannot imagine how The Doctor will handle it. When she first met him it seemed as though he was made of the stars themselves, and so for the next five years he will be without a part of himself. At the same time she is more aware then ever of how fragile their existence together could be. He is human. And he is The Doctor. The Doctor does not take the safe path, he barrels ahead full steam regardless of the consequences to himself. Rose doesn't think she could handle loosing him again. She slips her hand underneath the fabric of her shirt and feels the ropey scar that mars the skin there, an unforgettable reminder of the price she almost paid for the man she loved. No. She could not handle loosing her Doctor again.

Her thoughts are disturbed by the chatter of her family around her. Her mum has just slapped her fathers hand away from her plate. He was trying to steal another bite of pudding off Jackie's dish after finishing his own. The Doctor is joking about the infamous Tyler slaps and her baby brother Tony is giggling at the antics of the grown ups around him.

Perhaps, everything might turn out okay after all, Rose thinks. Perhaps.

xxxxxx

After dinner Rose and The Doctor retreat to the garden. They have another project to discuss that Jackie and Pete are not aware of.

"I believe I've worked out most of the kinks." Says The Doctor.

"I hope so, we wouldn't want it, her, coming too with three heads and no toes or anythin' would we?" Rose shakes her head a bit. "It's just so strange, Doctor, I'm talking 'bout creating another version of myself, givin' her superpowers, and sending her off to a different universe."

He shrugs a bit, "I do admit a feel a bit like Victor Frankenstein at the moment - Met Mary Shelley once, did you know? Lovely woman, she and Percy made an interesting couple. Not a bit afraid to argue a point with each other if they felt strongly enough about it. Frankenstein came to her in a dream. Well, dreams sometimes do make interesting reading material. I had a dream last night-" He cuts himself off and looks back at Rose as if coming back down from the clouds. He blushes, which she finds to be quite adorable. "Well, perhaps it wouldn't have made a very good book after all."

Rose laughs. She is unable to resist kissing him again. Their teeth click together since they are both smiling and it takes them a moment to find their rhythm. Once they do if their lips linger together a little longer this time neither seems to mind. Her phone, the same mobile he jiggery-poked so long ago begins to ring. They disengage from their embrace. Rose pulls the offending device from her pocket and looks at the display.

"Torchwood." She says, "Alien threats have come in. Want to go save the world?"

"With you, Rose Tyler?" He clasps her hand in his. "Always."


End file.
